Finally doing the before and after thing.

Remember when I was on accutane? Yeah, neither do I, it was kind of a long time ago. But anyway, I finally decided to get off my ass and do some before-and-after pictures. I've been off it about three months at this point, which is when you can really start to get an idea of what your skin's going to look like, so how about it! Let's see what I found on my hard disk from last January...

"Ew! Kill it with fire!"

"Much nicer! Wait, you mean that's the same person?!"

This, of course, coming on the tail of me being informed that they've just pulled accutane off the market again. Yes, it's a nasty drug. Yes, it has nasty side effects and people have experienced depression, psychosis, and liver damage. I still have some residual dryness on my face - but je ne regrette de rien. If I had to do it all over, the month of dryness and bleeding lips and itchy eyes, you bet I would. Accutane's a bitch while you're on it, but since I've done it, my quality of life has greatly improved.

For me, it was a miracle drug, and my only wish is that I hadn't waited as long to start on it.

For anyone curious of my dosages:

I did one month at 30 mg/day, one month at 40 mg/day, one month at 60 mg/day, and two months at 80 mg/day.

And while I tagged it as the 'tane diaries and called it accutane, I was actually taking Claravis, which is just another brand's name for Isotretinoin (aka, accutane!) Sort of how Advil and Motrin are just different brand names for Ibuprofen. They do the exact same thing.

Anyways, thus (really!) concludes the 'Tane diaries!

-Leez

Since when do I have keratosis

ON MY FACE?

:(

The 'Tane diaries: conclusion

Dear Accutane:

It's been a great five months but I think we're done here. It's been great.

Leez.

(Took my last pill this morning, yay!)

Also, I really hope this is just a cosmic viral ad for next season.

I am a human pincushion

It is easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to get an accutane prescription filled.

Today I had to do routine blood tests. They took me back, set me up, and stuck a needle in my left arm.

No blood.

So the lab tech takes it out, gets a new needle, re-sets me up, and sticks a needle in my right arm.

No blood.

So she says, "huh, weird, I'm going to go get the other lab tech."

I wait ten minutes, the other lab tech comes in, gets a new needle, sets me up, sticks it in my right arm again.

Blood on the first try.

So now both my elbows are sore.

Thoughts before sleep.

1. Why didn't I do accutane sooner? Like beginning of senior year sooner? Like as soon as the dermatologist even mentioned it was an option sooner? When your brother notices your skin is better without being prompted, you know there's been a dramatic improvement. And I would have spent less time picking at my face and giving myself scars. So there.

2. Since I've been home and going spinning with my mother, I've lost eight pounds. In basically two weeks (Since we are not counting Blank as "being home" since I did not go to the gym.)

2a. What am I going to look like at the end of the summer if this keeps up?

2b. Why didn't I do this sooner?

In short:

Why did I not give a damn about my physical appearance until I was eighteen years old?

In the past, I have looked at my childhood eating habits and wondered, "Why didn't anyone stop me?" In the last few weeks I have changed my mind. Now I wonder, "Why didn't I do anything about this sooner?"

And then I think that this is a sign of maturity, of taking responsibility, and then I feel empowered.

Also after this week I am not drinking tropical smoothie for a month because I have seriously been there every other day for my wisdom toothless brother, if I go there any more often the cashiers will know me by name.

The 'Tane Diaries - two months in

Took my last 40mg Claravis (claravis is the generic form of Accutane) pill tonight. Tomorrow I start on 60mg. Go liver go!

(Eyes are feeling much better, lips are peeling... hitting the Burt's Bees pretty hard.)

I don't remember the last time my skin looked this good.

Please let the agony my eyes are in right now be due to forgetting to switch to a fresh pair of contact lenses, not because the 'tane is wiping out my eyes. It is doing wonders for my face and I cannot go back to the way things are before, not when I know there's a way out. I don't mind wearing glasses for the next five months but please do not make this mean I have to stop treatment. I cannot do that. I just can't. The end.

'Tane Diaries - one week in

Flaring.

Of course they warned me this would happen.

It'll all be worth it in five months.

Countdown to the 'tane.... T- one week!

One week to accutane! I know it's not a magic bullet and prescription medicine/toxic levels of vitamin A are not something to be taken lightly, but I can't help but be excited. Some of the testimonials I've read say it helps with body acne, too, and I'm curious if it will have any effect on the pilaris I've had since I was a little kid. I sort of feel like pilaris is worse than acne, because there's really nothing you can do about it, it's not guaranteed to go away, and generally people don't even bother treating it. I was really insecure about it when I was younger; some kids in my class started saying I had "pimply arms" and that was the end of short sleeved shirts for most of elementary and middle school!

I just did a little bit of research into the subject and most people say accutane does jackshit for KP, which wouldn't actually be much different from my experience with every other thing I've ever tried for it. There was a cream I was using for a while that was giving me great results but it was in a bottle that was not very airplane friendly so I had to give it up. Some people seem to think that accutane causes KP, but I've already got it so it's not really a concern for me. Whatever. So that's the story of me and my "pimply arms. "

^Above two paragraphs were totally TMI^

Someone on my hall blew up a toilet last night, and it flooded basically four yards of hallway and soaked the carpet. I would like to know what is so hard about using a plunger. Actually, at 3:30 in the morning when they were screaming and pounding on doors about it, I was pretty close to getting up and whacking them with a plunger.

This weekend will, from here on in, be spent frantically writing the ten minute screenplay about zombies that is due thursday. Fun times.

-Leez.

Countdown to Accutane, T-minus 2 weeks...

I got up... semi-early-ish for a friday this morning and headed down to chinatown for a dermatologists appointment. It was cold and I hadn't eaten yet (fasting bloodwork), so I took the subway down, but then afterwards I had a quick breakfast at starbucks and decided to walk the mile back to my dorm.

It's a pretty nice day out, very blue and clear. I have some errands I need to run later (haircut? groceries?), so I'm sure I'll snap some pictures then. The street level's not so nice, though - we got about thirteen inches of snow on wednesday and now it's just sitting there, refusing to melt, getting dirtier and dirtier and icing up sidewalks. Anyway, I did the dumb thing of walking back to the dorm in the cold and was numb from the neck up when I finally got back. I consoled myself with a scalding cup of peppermint tea and called it a morning.

Hopefully, though, if everything goes well I'll be able to start

accutane in two weeks. I'm told it's pretty much a magic bullet for acne and I spent last night looking up people's before and after pictures and getting excited about it. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed and really hoping I can start it on schedule because I am so ready to not be the girl with the face like the surface of Io.

(Io, FYI, is a moon of Jupiter and the most volcanically active place in the solar system, second only to my face.)

Pictures of this gorgeous day later.

-Leez.