Having female characters does not make you a feminist.

Watch out, I'm about to make another misguided post about feminism and Hollywood gender standards. Also, we might start talking about superheroes and race, because, you know what? When I was a little kid, The Green Lantern was a black dude. I know that the Hal Jordan is the "original" character to hold the title, but John Stewart is the guy I watched on Justice League when I was a wee little nerdling.

SO, LET'S TALK ABOUT SUPERHERO MOVIES.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT, LEEZ?

LET'S TALK ABOUT X-MEN: FIRST CLASS.

So, in general, X-Men as a franchise is pretty good about providing interesting, strong female characters. I mean, this is the series that brought us Rogue and Jean Grey and Storm and Kitty Pryde. Which is nothing to laugh at, because they're badass, but they're not in this movie. First Class has four main female characters, which is already more than most superhero films which will typically just have a love interest (we'll talk about that when we talk about Green Lantern. We're getting there.) And it passes the Bechdel Test, which is something not many superhero movies do.

So, is it feminist?

Let's look at the four female characters we get:

Angel: stripper.
Emma Frost: High-end stripper, like for governors and stuff.
Moira: FBI agent (masquerades as a stripper).
Raven/Mystique: Hero's sister, ends up naked by the end of the movie, may or may not sleep with Magneto, who may or may not grow up to be Sir Ian McKellen, who may or may not have played the character as militantly, metaphorically homosexual. (But probably did.)

So Angel is a stripper who defects to the bad guys at the soonest sign of a fight. She's not a very deep character and that's okay because she's mostly around to wear skimpy outfits and provide a bit of color to our otherwise pretty damn anglo-looking cast.

Emma Frost is a villainess, who runs around in her underwear, who gets chained to a bed, whose main power is turning herself into an incredibly cheesy diamond effect. Frankly I think January Jones is a really boring actress and the character was really flat beyond just hanging out and being eye candy for Kevin Bacon.

Moira... is in her underwear within five minutes of her first appearance. She is reasonably useful in a fight, but she shoots Charles in the spine and she winds up the butt of a joke that seems like it's trying to emulate Mad Men but the rest of the movie is so unapologetically modern that the 1960s setting feels like an afterthought, like they needed a reason to point nukes at each other.

Raven/Mystique is probably the most interesting female character, but she gets reduced as the plot goes on until she is A) naked and B) sleeps with Erik C) to distract from the fact that he and Charles are basically having the most epic bromance since Kirk and Spock. Or something. Actually, why the fuck did she sleep with him? Because he thinks its sexy that she's blue and Hank just rejected her, so her standards are lowered? I mean, not that Erik isn't good looking or anything, but there's something weird going on in the character motivations there and it seems to cheapen the character.

So what have we got here?

• A token.
• Fan service.
• A woman in a man's job, ultimately proven inferior and susceptible to emotions.
• A teenaged girl who isn't making rational decisions because the boy she liked called her ugly.

Bechdel test passing or not, this isn't actually looking all that good. We've basically got a bunch of stereotypes, and they're not really doing anyone any favors except maybe the fanboys. But at the same time, most stories don't work if you just switch the genders, because then they become all about the gender. Like, a story about a prince who goes on a quest during which he learns all kinds of things about himself and at the end rescues a princess can be about all the things he learns along the way. But if you switch it and make it about a princess who rescues a prince, all anyone is going to focus on is that it's now about a girl.

But moving on to Green Lantern.

I am not going to call this a great movie, but it's a fun movie and it was raining today.

Green Lantern has, like, two female characters. Maybe three because they made one of the masters of the universe a woman. I'm going to zero in on the love interest because, let's face it - here is a compelling character setup... who is of absolutely no relevance to the plot past the midpoint.

The character Carroll is a test pilot. The first time we see her, she's chewing out Hal for being late, and she's already suited up and ready to go. Awesome. She puts in some good moves out in the planes, but she doesn't win the day. But that's because this is character setup - Carroll plays by the rules, Hal showboats. Fair enough. And then she's a business genius - awesome! Good for her!

And then she nearly gets crushed by a bandstand, kidnapped by the villain, and is just totally absent from the final conflict. Wow. Did the writers just forget she existed? At least Mary Jane got to dangle over the Hudson. So, basically, this is a character who just kind of became useless and went away. And she had a promising setup, too.

There's kind of this line between "extraneous love interest" and "female character who happens to love," and Caroll hits the "extraneous" side hard. She serves no purpose to the plot. Her role at the beginning could just as well have been played by another male fighter pilot and it wouldn't have made a difference.

At the same time, though, it's stupid to take two characters who for the duration of the film have had little to no chemistry and throw them together for some misdirected moment of character development. Erik and Mystique? I mean I understood why she would go to him, but their conversation felt rushed and didn't come to any kind of character-appropriate conclusion. First he tells her she's too young, then he tells her he prefers her blue, and then he has sex with her. MAGNETO, TAKING ADVANTAGE OF EMOTIONALLY DISTRESSED YOUNG WOMEN SINCE 1962. Congratulations, you're a lech. The logical end to this scene would actually be him talking her out of his bed, instead of her talking him into it, but apparently when a girl sneaks into your bedroom and she's naked and she's blue and she wants someone to tell her she's pretty, the appropriate response is to have sex with her. Yes. Of course. And even though she's had interactions with Erik prior to this and they do have some sexual tension, he's never really built up as a viable romantic rival to Hank and asdfghjk this just really bugs me.

Superheroes and race will have to wait for another day because I wound up having a three-hour discussion about it with Lydia while I was typing up this post and it really does not fit here, but we basically figured out why making Peter Parker in to Peter Park doesn't work but rebuilding Spider-Man from scratch does.

A post about anime

I got really excited when I saw this trailer:

Whenever conversation turns to who inspires me as a filmmaker, the first person who comes to mind is Makoto Shinkai. He's an up-and-coming anime director who has been called, in various circles, "The Next Miyazaki." I think this title is well deserved, because he's brilliant, but also faintly bullshit, because Miyazaki-sensei is still alive and released a movie as recently as two years ago and is still heading up Ghibli so it would be kind of premature to start labeling people as "the next _____." Like what, do you want him to hurry up and die? He's only 70, and the life expectancy in Japan is up to like 89 or some ridiculous number, so I'd hazard to say he'll probably be with us a while yet.

Granted, they do have some things in common. Both are very conscious of animation as a medium for storytelling, rather than as a genre of filmmaking. Both create very human characters with very human mannerisms. Both are fascinated with flight. (Miyazaki is noted for his obsession with aircraft. Shinkai is more interested in space travel, but The Place Promised in our Early Days had an awesome plane.)

Shinkai tends to veer more science fiction, where Miyazaki's interests are more fantasy. That said, there's a lot in Hoshi o Kodomo (I have no idea where he's getting his word salad english title "Children who Chase Lost Voices from Deep Below - Hoshi o Kodomo is roughly "Children who Chase Stars") that looks very Ghibli-esque, there's a scene that I'm pretty sure is invoking Castle in the Sky, and checking the website reveals a supporting character who is clearly designed after Teto from Nausicaa. So way to undermine my argument, Shinkai-sensei. But if one of the main critiques of your work is that all three of your movies are really similar, then I guess this is a branching out for you.

What I like about Shinkai's films is that he presents a world that is somehow removed from our own, but not so far removed that it's hard to grasp, and then within these gorgeous science fiction settings, he boils his story down to tight human dramas about isolation and struggling to connect. Voices of a Distant Star is beautiful, and I've embedded a segment of Five Centimeters Per Second, which is a collection of three short films using all kinds of travel metaphors for growing up, not knowing where you're going but going anyways, even if it seems like you're getting there incredibly slowly. (This section uses rockets, and it's beautiful.)

*There's some bad science in this dub. When he says "center of the solar system," he means "center of the galaxy."

The Oscars, Anti-feminism, and singing in the key of Awkward

Disclaimers first, I'm not a very good feminist. I'm part of this weird nineties generation of girls that has been brought up to think we can be whatever we can be without having to fight for it. Because when I was a little girl, Barbie could be a doctor, a teacher, an airline stewardess, and an astronaut. (Never mind that she was subliminally telling me that math was hard.) Because I was born post-Tereshkova, post-Sally Ride, post-Thatcher, pre-Palin. Because Lisa Simpson told me that the glass ceiling wasn't just invisible, it was imaginary. Because I was promised a post-gender world as a child, one where women wore shoulder pads to make themselves masculine and imposing, where they ran business meetings and answered clunky cell phones phones and wore leg warmers when they exercised and had feathered hair. (This is what I remember of my formative years in the 90s. I might have them mixed up with the 80s.) So I'm not a very good feminist. But I still know it when I see it.

So let's talk about the Oscars. First of all, I feel betrayed by Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SMARTER THAN THIS. You went to Harvard! You understand math that just looks like squiggles and lines to me! You are "one of the brightest stars of the generation" and I don't know who I'm quoting on that but I'm sure I'm quoting someone. Indie darling, blockbuster queen, gracefully transitioning from child phenom into leading lady. So you've just won an Oscar! How does it feel?

Great? Good. What are you going to do next?

Make a speech? Well, sure, everyone does. A really long, rambly speech? Again, everyone does. You're going to thank everyone who has helped you, ever, in advancing your career to this point? Great, good for you, I love a gracious winner!

You're going to thank your boyfriend for giving you "the most important role" of your life?

WHAT.

WHAT.

WHAT.

You are going to thank the dude for knocking you up, on national television, and belittle EVERYTHING you have done in your entire life in the process?

WHAT.

WHAT.

WHAT.

This is not me "hating on breeders." I have no problem with people who have kids. In fact, I think kids are great. I want kids someday! However I don't think that anyone should be defined, or allow themselves to be defined, or define themselves, by their ability to spawn. "Oh, yeah, I cured cancer, developed an interplanetary rocket that runs on cow pies, and published a novel. But I guess that's all peanuts now that I'm pregnant." Or this:

I don't think I would have cared if she'd said "my next great role" or something of the ilk. It was the phrase "most important role" that bothered me. We tend to criminalize women who put their careers ahead of their kids and put women who put their kids ahead of their careers up on pedestals. There doesn't seem to be any sort of happy medium between the two, at least not in society's general view of things, but I know from my own personal experience that there must be, because my mother managed to raise three intelligent, responsible members of society from birth to adulthood while still becoming a successful and influential member of her field. And while I'm sure she's proud of my siblings and I, and proud of herself for raising us, I don't think that the fact of us totally belittles every single thing that she's ever done professionally.

But moving on, because this isn't actually meant to be a blog post entirely about Natalie Portman and whether she did or did not totally invalidate every professional move she has ever made in one little Oscar speech. Let's talk about hosting! So this year's Oscar hosts were Anne Hathaway and James Franco... except, it was pretty clear that James Franco was blazed out of his mind and Anne Hathaway was carrying the show. In fact, it was almost less co-hosts and more Anne Hathaway, Oscar Host, and James Franco, her chaperone, requisite male body.

Just from the opening skit, it was really clear that this was Anne's show and everyone else just sort of lived there. She sings! She dances! She bitches at Hugh Jackman! She puts on a series of successively shinier dresses! Her enthusiasm introducing people is adorable! And James Franco just kind of squints at the lights like he's not sure what he's doing here because he's stoned out of his fucking mind. The only thing I got out of it was that the academy didn't trust a woman alone on stage to be able to keep the show moving, so they needed a guy to stand there and look manly.

My non-American friend who had never seen an Oscar telecast before pointed out, "But didn't Ellen [DeGeneres] host?"

The answer to this being that Ellen DeGeneres hosted the Oscars wearing a tux and sensible shoes, not a sparkly gown and heels. She's funny and manic and kind of butch. It's unthinkable to put Ellen DeGeneres in a sparkly dress and make her co-host with a man in a tux, but at the same time, if Anne Hathaway had put on a tux and sensible shoes and tried to host the Oscars by herself, it would have just been strange. She has to be in a sparkly dress, but I'm not sure that James Franco needs to stand beside her looking (very, very) confused and (very, very) pretty for the exercise to work. You'd think that a smart and self-assured woman could do the same job at a black tie event, regardless of whether she's wearing sequins or pants.

But what I get out of it is a statement that you cannot be both conventionally feminine and somehow emcee to a room of Hollywood's best and brightest, by yourself. The woman in the dress, with her coiffed hair and pretty necklaces, is weak. And this sort of goes back to the suit jackets with the shoulder pads from earlier - if you want power, you have to masculinize yourself.

Last point of the rant, Kathryn Bigelow. Kathryn Bigelow, you are a classy lady. Last year, all my friends and I cheered for you when you won Best Director. You were an inspiration. You had one of the prettiest dresses of the night. Everything I said earlier, about having to butch yourself up to gain influence? You defied it. You are a classy lady. So what was that fashion disaster you were wearing tonight ?

I know that my (and the rest of the country's, apparently) favorite pastime of snarking red carpet fashion is, on some level, fundamentally wrong, but you're so high profile, and it's because you're smart, and talented, and not because you're a pretty face who can look convincingly miserable. But if you're presenting an award to a bunch of middle-aged frat boys, in a category you took an upset win in last year, you'd better look amazing. And you didn't. And I was disappointed.

Okay, rant over.

Let's kick off the New Year with a belated post about Doctor Who!

I somehow forgot to mention in one of my previous posts that some friends and I had a pow-wow on Christmas to watch the Doctor Who 2010 Christmas Special, which was pretty great. I enjoyed the flying sharks and references to marrying Marilyn Monroe, as it's fun to see the Doctor portrayed as anything other than an asexual autistic savant. I just got into Doctor Who in the last year or so, but you could say it's a series I really like. SO HEY, let's watch the trailer for next season and do a quick reaction post!

So what we have here is the trailer for season six, at least the first story arc, possibly more. So right off the bat we've got what are either aristocrats from the French Regency or Pirates, and also Nazis, and they're both looking for our favorite time traveling alien. (Those wacky Nazis.) It looks like the Doctor is chilling with Amy and River. I don't see Rory in any of these early scenes which makes me wonder where everyone's favorite Roman Centurion/Male Nurse has gotten off to. Amy in a fancy dress with a petticoat... cut to scary black man with a gun and the Doctor... in the oval office, requesting a SWAT team and some cookies.

If these are all scenes from the same episode, I am very curious what Steven Moffat and his team are up to. But, moving on...

Flyover of Monument Valley, Doctor in a stetson, OH HI RORY I SEE YOU MADE IT TO OUR LITTLE SHINDIG AFTER ALL. 8) Flashback to last season with the fez, oh hi River you are looking as Mary Sue as ever. Is the writing team sure this little expedition wasn't just an excuse to make the whole gang wear flannel? At any rate, it seems they've been recruited to work on something at Area 51 (this is the only reason the Doctor would ever be caught dead on American soil - to deal with an alien threat.

So it is implied that the Doctor, in bedraggled unshaven scientist mode, has summoned himself because he can't deal with this shit on his own. Okay then! And then shit gets real! Aliens! Amy running! Rory running! River naked!

Wait. Why is River naked?

If this is a hint that we are actually going to find out anything useful about River this season, that would be awesome, k thx Mr. Moffat.

So Amy's screaming, the Doctor is monologuing ominously, everyone looks pretty freaked out, and we see... a member of the Mos Eisley Cantina band?

ALRIGHT THEN. Bring on season six.

Giga Puddi

Is there much I love more than Weird Japanese Stuff? (Oh. Wait. Rockets, Neil Gaiman, dogs, and chai lattes. )But I do love strange Japanese confectionaries a whole lot. Mochi ice cream? Daifuku? Pocky? Bring that shit on, son. Delicious! And, fortunately, yours truly lives near one of two M2M Asian Grocery Stores in all of New York City. So if this stuff exists anywhere in Manhattan, it should not be too hard to find.

I propose we make this stuff, and do a reaction video. It'll be fun!

ALSO, Christoph Waltz as an angry Austrian Jew in the Water for Elephants movie? Be still, my fangirl heart! Oh Hollywood, you have redeemed yourself from the curse of Robert Pattinson in this truly wise casting choice. Christoph Waltz is a perfect August, all suave and debonair. I am now officially excited to see it!

Hey Sarah Palin,

Leave my first lady alone.

You, Sarah, are a washed up hack hanging onto her fifteen minutes of fame, who can't even raise her own children to understand that calling people faggots on facebook isn't socially acceptable behavior, let alone possibly be qualified to run a country. Your own relatives on the record saying you dropped out of U. Hawaii because there were "too many Asians" and you're currently in a fight with Alaskan Fish and Wildlife over getting too close to a family of bears, on national television. Your political track record consists of making embarrassing social gaffs, pandering to your competition ("Can I call you Joe?"), exposing yourself as an inarticulate ass on national television, and quitting halfway through your term as governor of the least densely populated state in the union. You advocate fear and misinformation.

The list goes on.

Michelle Obama, on the other hand, is classy, intelligent, well-spoken, educated about her causes, and stylish as all get out. You quoted her out of context and frankly your remarks about her hating white people only make you sound like an ignoramus. You didn't even actually say half the one-liners people attribute to you - Tina Fey did. You aren't even half as witty as she is.

In short, Michelle Obama is a better mother, politician, and all around human being than you could ever hope to be.

So shut up.

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

-Abraham Lincoln

Isn't he just adorkable?

Oh Dan Radcliffe, I think I love you. We'd be a perfect match.

I see what you did there.

NASA logo (USA)

RKA logo (Russia)

Starfleet logo (Star Trek)

Politically incorrect maps

(Click for big!)

So my friend Caleb (credit where credit is due) forwarded me this:

And said, "It's perfect, except it's missing a reference to 'The rent is too damn high.'"

So a few minutes later, he sent me this:

Let it be known that my friends are awesome.

GUSTER.

Was amazing. My brother has lots of pictures of the interior of the Beacon theater (Both Guster and their opening act, Jukebox the Ghost made a big deal about how it was "The most gorgeous room they'd ever played in.") so I'll get those from him and post them later. The opening act played about a forty minute set and I was pretty sure I had no idea who they were until they played this and then I was like, WAIT I'VE HEARD OF THEM. Anyway they were pretty cool, gonna look them up on iTunes later.

(Also, re: this video, last night I was thinking the song reminded me of Charlie Brown and hey look what they're referencing!)

At that point the theater was pretty empty and Max and I were eying each other like, "This is a sold out show?" but apparently the pros know to skip the warm up guys and show up sometime between 8:45 and 9. By the time Guster launched into their first song (Manifest Destiny, from Ganging up on the Sun), it was a packed house. So they played two older songs, followed by Stay With Me Jesus off the new album (Pattering to the audience, "We're a couple of Jews who don't really believe in God who went and wrote an album that keeps talking about Jesus") and people were still kind of filtering in and getting warmed up, but by the time they started on Ramona, everyone was singing along and it became very clear that audience participation was mandatory.

They played a mix of new and old stuff, a lot of crowd pleasers and favorites - at one point a guy somewhere behind us shouted "AIRPORT SONG," at which point they played Airport Song and I have no idea if he knew the set list or was a good guesser or they listened to him. (They did not respond to similar requests for Timothy Leary).

Some highlights:

"Do I pull off the white denim look?" - at which point they launched into an impromptu jam session about "White denim, black shades, white shirt, shoelace."

During Happier, Max turned to me and asked, "Is this new? I've never heard it." "No!" I yelled back. "It's really, really old!" And then joined the rest of the crowd in shouting "ONE MORE INCH, YOU SON OF A BITCH."

For the start of the first encore, they played "Diane," which has a really distinctive opening base line that will forever stick in my head as the first Guster song I ever heard and is still one of my favorites. This video isn't from the show last night, but it's a pretty good approximation. (People really do sing along to every single song at these shows. See!)

They played two encores, which the crowd seemed really intent on forcing to go on and on and on. Every time you thought they were done, one of the stagehands would hand them a different guitar and they're play something else. The second time they got dragged back out by popular demand, they came down to the edge of the stage and waited for the whole room to be quiet and played an acoustic of "Jesus on the Radio," which was an awesome way to end the show.

In total they played 25 songs in just under two hours, and it was absolutely awesome. So worth the jacked up ticket price I paid on Stubhub!

HERE, I FOUND A COMPLETE SETLIST.

Anyway, when I get Max's photos I'll post them but currently that is PFAD. (Post for another day. Max's word.)

Caleb thinks this is awesome but I don't quite agree.

The offending product:

Sounds like:

Did it first, did it better:

Called and wants her gimmick back:

Would like Katy Perry to stop raiding her closet:

In short I don't really have a point I just don't like Katy Perry and would like to dissect her ripped- off music video with its inconsistent message and hot button issue sensationalism and stollen scenic and musical elements. Also I needed something to post about.

A cocktail brewed of equal parts win and what the fuck.

This would appear to be a 50-something Christopher Lee singing a villain song production number in a 1980s movie called The Return of Captain Invincible. From the looks of it, it is the spiritual precursor to such great works as Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog.

Or maybe not.

Either way, I really want to find the whole thing and watch it.

/Get Excited/

THIS!!!! :D

The Tempest is easily my favorite Shakespeare play. Scholars call it "A problem play" - it's not a history, and it's not clearly a comedy or a tragedy. It also isn't, as it is commonly remembered, his "final play" - That would be Two Noble Kinsmen, written in collaboration with John Fletcher. However, it was the last play Shakespeare wrote on his own and I won't contest the trailer's claim that it is his "final masterpiece." I haven't actually read Henry VIII or Two Noble Kinsmen, but I would presume it's better than both of them. So sure. Why not. Final masterpiece it is.

At first I was worried about the casting - Hellen Mirren as Prospero? (Sorry, Prospera in this version.) Djimon Honsou as Caliban? (He's a terrific actor whose primary strengths are roaring in a most manly fashion and being shirtless, but isn't that a bit racist? Granted he's been painted gray, so I guess you can't say Caliban is black so much as he's played by a black actor.) Russel Brand? Alfred Molina? But I think the trailer's almost won me over. Julie Taymore, I was hoping you'd bring the same wacky sense of magical realism to this as you did Across the Universe, and this has my hopes up!

Also, is that Sigur Ros at the end of the trailer?

Oh, apparently it's Saeglopur. (I love Sigur Ros.) :)

The Tempest hits theaters December 10th, 2010. I can't wait!

Excited about movies again,

Leez.

They fight crime!

Try this website:

theyfightcrime.org

And let me know some of your best results. :)

He's a deeply religious neurotic astronaut on the edge. She's a warm-hearted wisecracking research scientist in the wrong place at the wrong time. They fight crime!

All there is to know about the crying game.

I have to wonder how much the experience of watching Psycho differs when you don't know the twist. Of course in our modern vernacular we all know that Norman Bates is his mother is the killer, but imagine when the movie first came out! No one knew the twist! Wouldn't it be so much scarier then, to see it in theaters and really think there was a murderous old lady?

And also to think that Norman Bates is just a much more sympathetic character; he really does initially come off as a likable, if slightly awkward and macabre, person.

Anyway this is Psycho, and this is your brain on way too much caffeine, sitting in the first class of New American Gothic Cinema.

Selections from: Leez and Caleb snark the VMAs.

We were kind of hoping for wild and crazy to happen, but everyone was alarmingly well-behaved tonight. So here are our best lines, anyway.

Re: Katy Perry on the white carpet.

C: So, katy perry looks and sounds retarded.

Me: She has cotton candy in her hair. Also she's kind of a ditz. Also high on cold meds. This is going to be hilarious.

C: Yeah. XD Is she supposed to be performing.

Me: Idk. Snooki looks like she spent an hour in the toaster.

Re: Jenks

C: Lmao, jenks guy: 'look at me. I hang out with autistic kids.' 'and a rapper!' 'who went to jail!'

Re: Nicki Minaj is from outer space, and other weirdness in that dance number.

C: Um. Nicki minaj is ridiculous. 'haters, you can kill yourselves.' that dace.

Me: I think will.i.am. just did a sig heil.

C: Nicki minaj is a malfunctioning robot and will.i.am is a nazi. He even has the pink band where the swastika would be.

Me: Who thought this was a good idea?

Re: Bad Romance takes Best Female Video

C: That's right! Gaga wins!

Me: Katy Perry is giving her the stink eye.

C: Yeah. She wanted to go home with some trophies.

C: LMAO. 'FOR REMAKING THIS VIDEO OVER AND OVER AGAIN'

Re: The song "Kings and Queens"

Me: This song is about owls.

Re: Justin Bieber's performance.

Me: If this is not the gayest jbiebs performance ever idk wat.

C: Yeah. And all his dancers are black.

Me: Actually this goes beyond gay. This is just plain queer.

C: He actually has babies.

Me: That was just plain strange.

Re: Weird commercials

Me: Did you know that plan b one step is only one pill and works better the sooner you take it?

C: And it is not The Abortion Pill.

Re: Usher

Me: These jackets remind me of the fifth element.

C: Yeah! Like leeloo's outfit, but more.

Re: Bad Katy Perry/Nicki Minaj patter.

C: Katy is so high.

Me: That wasn't good patter. That was just Katy and Nikki being awkward.

C: What planet is nicky minaj from?

Me: Idk, but not this one.

C: She put on a british accent... and then made a weird face.

Me: Nikki minaj isn't British. I think she's a Martian.

Re: Florence and the Machine

Me: Florence looks less like a man without the kabuki makeup.

Me: It's like she's got polyphonic spree as her backup dancers.

Re: T-Swift

C: Ohmygod shes about to get him back

Me: Revengeeeeeeeee

C: I guess not?

Me: ...I think she's forgiving him.

C: Fuck. So much less interesting.

Re: Gucci ad.

Me: That was rumer willis.

Me: Rumer Willis and Chris Evans having sin city/sky captain and the world of tomorrow pastiche.

C: ....what.

Re: Airplanes

Me: Hayley Williams is like, "I'm a white girl. I can't dance like this.

Re: Linkin Park

Me: Everyone, just come to peace with that you liked linkin park in middle school and chill out. [In response to an immense amount of Linkin Park hate at the party I was at.]

Re: Kanye

C: Let's have a toast for the douchebags.

They have space ships but no sonograms?

Ten things about the Star Wars New Trilogy that just bug me:

1. The horrible acting.

2. The horrible script.

3. How Padme seems to have gotten to eight and a half months with twins with absolutely NO pre-natal care. Lady, I know you're doing this whole "secret pregnancy" thing, but you live in a high tech society. See post title. You and everyone you know is referring to your fetuses in the singular right until the actual moment you give birth, and it is absolutely ridiculous.

4. Why no one ever listens to Yoda's advice.

5. How we are expected to have never seen the original trilogy and be so damn surprised when Palpatine is the emperor or Padme gives birth to twins, when the surprise element of the original trilogy relies on having never seen the new trilogy.

• Darth Vader is Luke's father.
• Leia is Luke's twin sister.
• This isn't spoilers, you should just know this already.

6. No Harrison Ford.

7. No Mark Hamill.

8. No Carrie Fisher.

9. No one in these movies is even trying to act besides Ewan McGregor. Also possibly Liam Neeson. Natalie Portman, I thought you were nominated for an Oscar once upon a time! Like really, Obi-Wan Kenobi is the only character in this movie who emotes in a believable way.

10. Jar Jar Binks. Full stop.

(I love Star Wars. But I'm watching a marathon of the new trilogy and just kind of picking it apart.)

Well this has jumped the shark.

I never really watched Dancing with the Stars in the first place, but really?! Bristol Palin? The Situation? These people aren't celebrities, they're hicks with overly televised private lives. I would also like to point out that there's a difference between a "Star" and tabloid fodder.

At this point, they should just change it to "Dancing with D-List Socialites, and the occasional singer/actor/comedian from the 1980s."

So I did a little research...

Most of the quotes and accusations in all of the articles on Caster Semenya come from two sources: Jemma Simpson, aged 26, and Diane Cummins, aged 36.

Now, really, it's easy to imagine this sort of thing evolving from locker room talk:

1. "Ugh, she's just so fast! It's not fair!"

Becomes,

2. "Too bad she's got a face like a dude. At least we're prettier than her."

Becomes,

3. "Did you hear she's really a man?"

High school bullying. Pure and simple. It would be understandable if all these girls were actually anywhere close to being in high school. However, instead what you're looking at is two grown women picking on a teenaged girl because they're pissed that she's better than them. So Caster Semenya gets put through a humiliating ordeal on the international news because she's not some blonde haired blue eyed anglo saxon and they get off scot free?

She's looking a bit girlier at the Berlin world championships this year. How much of that do you think is personal preference, and how much of that is her trying to bend to public opinion of what a female athlete should look like?

"Essentially we are running against a man."

Y'all are just a bunch of sore losers.

Keep running, Caster. Haters gonna hate, but you rock.