I did a bad thing.

You know how, sometimes, you find your way into a room that you know isn't supposed to be unlocked? At least, not to you it shouldn't be unlocked? But you think it's so cool that some slip of fortune left it open for you to poke around and check it out? But then, of course, karma bites you because there is something in that room that hurts you. Not seriously. Not enough that anyone will ever suspect that you have been into that room and poked around and found all the things you weren't supposed to find, but something that will hang out in your consciousness for days on end?

I did a bad thing. I read your blog.

I don't know if you still read mine (I know for a while there you did), but I wish you'd talked to me before you sent me a facebook message that was incredibly vague. I wish you'd followed up on it in actual conversation instead of letting me go off and decide you were a douche who did it because you found someone better and needed to get rid of me fast.

I'm sorry that you feel like my "personality" went away when I got awkward and tried too hard to flirt with you. I agree. I acted like an idiot. But let me establish that I have absolutely no experience flirting, or being in a relationship, or anything really. My entire high school experience can be summed up by being a fag hag for, and subsequently falling head over heels for, three to four different gay guys. Having now left high school far behind, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am, in fact, a heterosexual female, and hence the guys I am used to hanging out with are not the kinds of guys that are attracted to me. (Before I was fag hag supreme, I was "one of the boys," ie the neighborhood girl in ripped jeans and oversized t-shirts who liked video games and could kick your ass three ways to saturday - is this what you were attracted to?)

So even if I've blown my chances with you (which is totally 100% okay because I am over it and I think so are you), would you at least talk to me instead of leaving me with a facebook message? Because it might not have seemed like a big deal to you but I think it's pretty clear that to me it was.