Complicated thoughts about Ender's Game

Okay, so, I have come to terms with the fact that Orson Scott Card is a complete bag of dicks and I'm just going to let him be what he's going to be - it doesn't change the fact that Ender's Game was a massive part of my childhood. Even if I've struck the rest of the series from my own personal continuity (yes, even Ender's Shadow, because let's be honest with ourselves - it's not that good, and Bean is a Sue if you take the Shadow series to be true, and I liked him so much better when he was just the runt of the litter on Ender's team of ragged misfits and not the goddamn Messiah-slash-chessmaster, because the EG universe already has three Christ Archetypes too many without Bean adding to the clusterfuck. Also? Bean/Petra is the worst 'ship ever, it makes me barf in my mouth. Dink/Petra forever).


So, clearly, I've got a lot invested in this fandom, even if I don't actively participate in it, because honestly there's not much of a fandom to participate in. The book came out in the 80s, the author is alienating of his fanbase, the sequels all undermine the original, and the older I get the more I recognize that the universe I thought was so wonderfully diverse when I first encountered it (Alai remains the most sympathetic Arab character in all of science fiction, thank you and good night) is actually pretty sinister in ways I can't quite put my finger on. But I love the book, I've read it something like fifteen times, and that's why I get so mad at Orson Scott Card - because he's one of the people who first inspired me to write, and he's not a worthy role model. He's a misogynistic, homophobic, evangelical bag of dicks and I don't understand how a book that reads as having a really liberal worldview came from his mind. 


I'm really excited that the long-rumored film is finally in production and has what looks like a fantastic cast (Harrison Ford! Asa Butterfield!), but I do worry about what kind of reflection of this world is going to finally turn up on screen. I've been attending Battle School in my head since I was about nine years old and while I recognize that all the detail from the books isn't possibly going to make it to film, I'm more worried about the essence of the world.


What would ruin this film for me is if the author's personal politics were to be jarringly present in it. Because I don't think his worldview is overtly present in the book. I do think that the film could benefit from updating the world to match modern terminology - but even that's not a huge stretch, because OSC basically predicted the internet and iPads. But if the world of Ender's Game were to change from one where characters are presented with moralities independent of their ethnic and religious backgrounds to one where OSC's xenophobic rationale is the norm I would be sorely disappointed, because the message of Ender's Game is one of acceptance - just because you don't understand how someone thinks doesn't make them evil, which is Ender's ultimate conclusion about the Buggers/Formics (dear fandom, what are we calling them?)


I've also got some bizarre but smaller concerns that aren't really relevant to my worries about the overall tone of the world being changed / OSC being a bag of dicks. 


ie - Ben Kingsley, who is a fantastic actor, has been cast as Mazer Rackham. In the books, Mazer is described as being "half-Maori." Ben Kingsley is of Indian and English descent. Does this reflect a tendency in Hollywood casting towards considering minority ethnicities to be interchangeable? (Other complaints I could lodge under this same heading - Taylor Lautner is even less Native American than Johnny Depp; The entirety of The Last Airbender.)


Is it "whitewashing" when you're substituting one minority for another instead of substituting a white actor?

I shouldn't have to defend my art to you - but I will.

The following was actually said to me:

"Aliza, you're so smart, why are you wasting your time writing plays? You should be going to law school." 

There are a lot of things wrong with this statement, and I am going to go through it one piece at a time and JUSTIFY THE HELL OUT OF WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE.

"...you're so smart..."

Why thank you. It takes a lot of intelligence to create work that is creative, original, thoughtful, and clever - all things I aim to be in my writing.

"...Why are you wasting your time writing plays?..." 

Because to me, time spent writing isn't time wasted. My art is not a waste of time, or else, if it is, then I have been wasting my time since I could talk, considering that's how long I've been telling stories. Perhaps to the person who said this to me, a person who transferred out of Dramatic Writing, writing resolved itself into a waste of time - because this major is not one you study out of desire to make money, have job security, etc. It is first and foremost about craft. It is about learning every facet of your work and honing your talent and working until you have a voice that is capable of saying pretty much anything you want to say and telling any story that you want to tell and able to tell it well.

I have been a storyteller for my whole life, and perhaps other writers know what I'm talking about when I say there is a compulsion to create narrative. There is a catharsis in getting elbow-deep into character and plot and structure that I've yet to find anywhere else.

If you've never felt the moment when everything clicks into place and you know exactly how the story ends, then there's no point in trying to describe it to you. It's the closest I've ever come to real magic.

"...You should be going to law school."

With no offense meant to the lawyers in my life, particularly my mom, and my "favorite" uncle, I don't understand how attending law school somehow justifies my continued existence as a human being in ways that creating art that makes me happy fails to do.  I have no doubts that I'm intelligent enough for law school - but I've got no desire to go there. Not because I don't want to do the work, but because there is no way that studying for the boards would make me happier than working in the entertainment industry and continuing to tell stories.

What it comes down to is, I have to justify my art to you because you are not an artist. And I don't mean you're not an artist in that you don't draw or paint or act, because there are plenty of artists whose art is computer programming or engineering or architecture or cooking. You're not an artist, because you don't understand that this is a thing that makes me happier to be doing this thing than all the job security in the world.

And if law school is your thing? Well, good for you, but I doubt it - because if it was, if you were an artist of law, you would understand why I have to do my art and wouldn't try to tear me down for wanting to do it.

I do not have to justify my art to you. I do not have to justify my intelligence, or my drive, or my value as a member of society, to someone like you.

I'll just keep writing.

I would like to know what alternate universe Rick Perry comes from where Christians are a persecuted minority.

So there's this asinine campaign ad:

And this brilliant parody that manages to point out a lot of reasons why Governor Perry is a xenophobic jackass while making me exceptionally proud of my co-religionist.

I'm not ashamed to say that I'm a Jew -- Heck, I'm even a Rabbi... but you don't need to be in shul on every Shabbos to know there's something wrong in our country when gays can serve openly in the military and yet they still can't get married legally in most U.S. States.
Our Jewish kids in public school have to watch as their peers celebrate Christmas -- a holiday they don't observe. They have to sit quietly as the Christian students pray in school. That just seems uncomfortable.

As President, I will fight to end this crazy talk that there's a war on religion. And I will fight anyone who discriminates against others simply because of their sexual orientation.Intelligence made America strong. It can make her strong again.

I'm Rabbi Jason Miller and I think it's too cold to film a video outside in Michigan in the winter. Who approved this?

YES. THANK YOU, RABBI MILLER.


I have been head-desking since Perry’s ad went up both about his blatant homophobia and also his subtle-as-a-ton-of-bricks implication that Christianity is the only valid religion in the United States. Which it isn’t. There is no war on Christmas, Christians are still the religious majority, and that is likely not going to change. However, this perceived sense of “persecution” that the far right feels is dangerous to every religion that actually is discriminated against. 

The United States of America were founded on the principle that every religion is free and equal under the law. However, by creating an imaginary war on Christian values, the Far Right stands to sway a tremendous number of xenophobic voters to push legislation that seriously impedes on the rights of practitioners of every other religion in this country, including those that practice no religion at all. 

There is no “war on Christianity.” There is not a “War against Christmas.” The Democratic party does not have a kill list with Jesus and Santa Claus right at the top.

All this imaginary war does is perpetuate the real war on religion that is going on in this country - the discrimination and sometimes outright hatred that Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, Athiests, and all other groups perceived by the far right as being a “threat” face. 

Christian Values are not American Values. 

“One Nation, Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all” is. 

Stop the hate. 

Also? Same jacket.

Eeeeeeeew

So let's talk about disgusting things in this dorm room kitchen. Like that there's less than a square foot of usable counter space, and less than a square foot of room in the fridge, and I keep my dishes in my bedroom.

Or we could just talk about this.

This is a pot of greasy noodles, old cheese, and rancid meat that my suitemate cooked for herself four dinner AT LEAST four days ago. It sat on the stovetop for at least four days, and then she came home earlier today and MOVED IT but did not dump it out. I dared to SMELL this shit earlier and it has gone terribly, terribly wrong.

HELLO, HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LIVING IN A DORM FOR TWO YEARS. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT THIS STUFF NEEDS TO BE REFRIGERATED OR IT SPOILS? 

I AM DISGUSTED.

EVERY DAY THAT IT SITS OUT, I AM JUDGING YOU.

I CANNOT WAIT TO MOVE OUT ON SATURDAY, BECAUSE AT LEAST I WILL NOT BE LIVING IN THIS STYE THAT THESE GIRLS CREATED BEFORE I EVEN GOT HERE.

THAT'S NOT MY NAME AND I'M GOING TO STOP ANSWERING TO IT.

In the last hour I have been called:

Eliza

Alice

Uhliza

Eleza

Eluza

Elaza

And basically every other combination of consonants and vowels that sounds vaguely like my name without actually being it. I have also been interrogated about my belief in ghosts, the afterlife, and Michael Jackson (as my lord and savior, amen?).

Anyways I have a midterm tomorrow and then I get to go home to celebrate my great (fantastic!) uncle's hundredth birthday and hang out with all my cousins and marvel at how amazing life is.

But right now I have notes to study and the sinking suspicion that no one in this apartment actually knows how to pronounce my name.

Leez out.

I didn't know what this blog post would be about when I started typing it and I still don't.

So, I'm not really riled up about anything at the moment so this post is going to be more a logging of miscellany. As much as I'd love to do part two of last time's conversation ("Having minority characters does not make you diverse"), I'm going to hold off on it because I had a really good conversation about it in private and... unlike complaining about female characters, when I start talking about race people start looking at me like "You're white, shut up." So it's going to wait. Along with a discussion on why claiming certain people don't have the "right" to write certain character types is bullshit. All that and more... in another post.

I'm kind of amused that, two weeks later, most of my pageviews are still coming from links posted on fansites... but also mildly weirded out. Are you guys reading the rest of my posts? Or are you just looking at that same post, OVER AND OVER AND OVER again??? Because, um, if you're just using that link to get back to the blog so you can read other stuff... I have two separate methods of following in my sidebar that don't involve inflating the pagecounts on one post. And if you are just reading that post over and over again... is it really that fascinating???

I finally actually started to do some serious revision work on Like a Dog in Space yesterday, figuring out where I can add things back in and what I need to do to get it back to somewhere around its original length. Because I cut so many characters, I've got significantly less to work with in general, and changing the structure for the better means my opening moves faster - but also that I've just got stuff that used to take fifteen pages to happen happening in about seven. Which is good, because it gives me more time to mess around once that does happen... I just have to think of things to put there! Ivan and Valeri can only have so many awkward conversations, and the biggest thing I need to bulk up is their connection... which I actually think I need to build up before Ivan even comes to life.

The other thing I can do to take it back out to full length and put some coherency and world background in is add some of Mister Papers's long speeches back in, but that's easy. He likes to talk and even if I had to start over from scratch, he'd be easy. I could write that character forever. He'll probably turn up in another play given enough time. He can do that.

(Sometimes I try to think about how any of my plays would be connected/in the same universe. But there's no overlap between Florida and an unspecified town in New England, so it's like... even if Other People's Garden Gnomes and Allan Chang is a Totally Bogus Ghost were in the same universe... who would ever know?)

Anyways, I'm planning to do a more work on that today (Lies. When I don't have deadlines, nothing gets done.) and also figure out what kind of cool adventure we're going to have on Friday. I've wanted to go down to the Space Center for a long time, but I went in fifth grade and after looking at their website I'm not so sure if it's worth it... it kind of looks like it has't changed much since 2002. I think they're even still playing the same IMAX movies. But the price has gone up! So... maybe it'll be the Alligator Farm again. We haven't been there in a while. Or perhaps the Zoo.

Unless anyone has any suggestions about adventures? :)

Also this amuses me.

Having female characters does not make you a feminist.

Watch out, I'm about to make another misguided post about feminism and Hollywood gender standards. Also, we might start talking about superheroes and race, because, you know what? When I was a little kid, The Green Lantern was a black dude. I know that the Hal Jordan is the "original" character to hold the title, but John Stewart is the guy I watched on Justice League when I was a wee little nerdling.

SO, LET'S TALK ABOUT SUPERHERO MOVIES.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT, LEEZ?

LET'S TALK ABOUT X-MEN: FIRST CLASS.

So, in general, X-Men as a franchise is pretty good about providing interesting, strong female characters. I mean, this is the series that brought us Rogue and Jean Grey and Storm and Kitty Pryde. Which is nothing to laugh at, because they're badass, but they're not in this movie. First Class has four main female characters, which is already more than most superhero films which will typically just have a love interest (we'll talk about that when we talk about Green Lantern. We're getting there.) And it passes the Bechdel Test, which is something not many superhero movies do.

So, is it feminist?

Let's look at the four female characters we get:

Angel: stripper.
Emma Frost: High-end stripper, like for governors and stuff.
Moira: FBI agent (masquerades as a stripper).
Raven/Mystique: Hero's sister, ends up naked by the end of the movie, may or may not sleep with Magneto, who may or may not grow up to be Sir Ian McKellen, who may or may not have played the character as militantly, metaphorically homosexual. (But probably did.)

So Angel is a stripper who defects to the bad guys at the soonest sign of a fight. She's not a very deep character and that's okay because she's mostly around to wear skimpy outfits and provide a bit of color to our otherwise pretty damn anglo-looking cast.

Emma Frost is a villainess, who runs around in her underwear, who gets chained to a bed, whose main power is turning herself into an incredibly cheesy diamond effect. Frankly I think January Jones is a really boring actress and the character was really flat beyond just hanging out and being eye candy for Kevin Bacon.

Moira... is in her underwear within five minutes of her first appearance. She is reasonably useful in a fight, but she shoots Charles in the spine and she winds up the butt of a joke that seems like it's trying to emulate Mad Men but the rest of the movie is so unapologetically modern that the 1960s setting feels like an afterthought, like they needed a reason to point nukes at each other.

Raven/Mystique is probably the most interesting female character, but she gets reduced as the plot goes on until she is A) naked and B) sleeps with Erik C) to distract from the fact that he and Charles are basically having the most epic bromance since Kirk and Spock. Or something. Actually, why the fuck did she sleep with him? Because he thinks its sexy that she's blue and Hank just rejected her, so her standards are lowered? I mean, not that Erik isn't good looking or anything, but there's something weird going on in the character motivations there and it seems to cheapen the character.

So what have we got here?

• A token.
• Fan service.
• A woman in a man's job, ultimately proven inferior and susceptible to emotions.
• A teenaged girl who isn't making rational decisions because the boy she liked called her ugly.

Bechdel test passing or not, this isn't actually looking all that good. We've basically got a bunch of stereotypes, and they're not really doing anyone any favors except maybe the fanboys. But at the same time, most stories don't work if you just switch the genders, because then they become all about the gender. Like, a story about a prince who goes on a quest during which he learns all kinds of things about himself and at the end rescues a princess can be about all the things he learns along the way. But if you switch it and make it about a princess who rescues a prince, all anyone is going to focus on is that it's now about a girl.

But moving on to Green Lantern.

I am not going to call this a great movie, but it's a fun movie and it was raining today.

Green Lantern has, like, two female characters. Maybe three because they made one of the masters of the universe a woman. I'm going to zero in on the love interest because, let's face it - here is a compelling character setup... who is of absolutely no relevance to the plot past the midpoint.

The character Carroll is a test pilot. The first time we see her, she's chewing out Hal for being late, and she's already suited up and ready to go. Awesome. She puts in some good moves out in the planes, but she doesn't win the day. But that's because this is character setup - Carroll plays by the rules, Hal showboats. Fair enough. And then she's a business genius - awesome! Good for her!

And then she nearly gets crushed by a bandstand, kidnapped by the villain, and is just totally absent from the final conflict. Wow. Did the writers just forget she existed? At least Mary Jane got to dangle over the Hudson. So, basically, this is a character who just kind of became useless and went away. And she had a promising setup, too.

There's kind of this line between "extraneous love interest" and "female character who happens to love," and Caroll hits the "extraneous" side hard. She serves no purpose to the plot. Her role at the beginning could just as well have been played by another male fighter pilot and it wouldn't have made a difference.

At the same time, though, it's stupid to take two characters who for the duration of the film have had little to no chemistry and throw them together for some misdirected moment of character development. Erik and Mystique? I mean I understood why she would go to him, but their conversation felt rushed and didn't come to any kind of character-appropriate conclusion. First he tells her she's too young, then he tells her he prefers her blue, and then he has sex with her. MAGNETO, TAKING ADVANTAGE OF EMOTIONALLY DISTRESSED YOUNG WOMEN SINCE 1962. Congratulations, you're a lech. The logical end to this scene would actually be him talking her out of his bed, instead of her talking him into it, but apparently when a girl sneaks into your bedroom and she's naked and she's blue and she wants someone to tell her she's pretty, the appropriate response is to have sex with her. Yes. Of course. And even though she's had interactions with Erik prior to this and they do have some sexual tension, he's never really built up as a viable romantic rival to Hank and asdfghjk this just really bugs me.

Superheroes and race will have to wait for another day because I wound up having a three-hour discussion about it with Lydia while I was typing up this post and it really does not fit here, but we basically figured out why making Peter Parker in to Peter Park doesn't work but rebuilding Spider-Man from scratch does.

Thought for the day:

I got called "professional" (by someone I really admire) for being able to meet a revision deadline. Shouldn't this be a basic life skill? I mean, I really do appreciate the compliment, but haven't we all been trained since birth to meet deadlines and due dates for assignments?

But apparently it's not. Because I know a zillion and two people who can't meet deadlines. I was one of them last semester, and I went a few days over on my screenwriting projects a few times, but deadlines are still deadlines for a reason. The expectation should be that you're going to meet them, shouldn't it? So theoretically, this should be like patting me on the head for being able to tie my shoes, but instead the expectation is that most people don't make an effort to meet deadlines and what is that. :|

Deadlines, summaries, elevator speeches. Learn 'em, live 'em, love 'em, they're make it or break it.

I'm about to piss a lot of people off.

Was 9/11 terrible? Yes. I was nine years old when it happened, and it stands out in my mind as the first truly terrible thing that I was aware of. Did wars and natural disasters happen in the years between 1991 and 2001? Yes, but I don't remember them. But yes, let's all agree (for the sake of argument and because it was) that 9/11 was terrible and lots of people lost their lives and it's basically shadowed American culture since. Never forget.

Was Osama Bin Laden a horrible, vile, disgusting man who deserved to die for what he did? Yes. Absolutely. He's probably sitting in a hell-as-a-bureaucracy right now, holding a will-call number and trading dirty looks with Hitler and Stalin. Which is right where he belongs. Because he killed innocents, lead a crooked, violent, dehumanizing regime, and spent ten years trolling our country with viral videos clips while we couldn't find the guy.

Is it terrific that our troops have finally managed to find and shoot him? Yes. I'm not going to argue with you. The world is better for him being dead. Absolutely.

I am a red-blooded American. I love this country and I love progress. (I would love to see more of it.)

Do I think that setting off fireworks, partying in the streets, and making t-shirts is absolutely the wrong way to behave upon hearing that we have killed the FBI's most wanted?

Oh my god, you fucking rednecks, are you kidding me.

Our army shot someone. We did not win the world cup. Have some class.

It is traditional to save the ticker tape parade for when the troops/politician/astronauts/whoever COME HOME. This is not a victory until every last American soldier is out of Afghanistan. We won a battle. Let's not forget that we still have to finish the war.

The Oscars, Anti-feminism, and singing in the key of Awkward

Disclaimers first, I'm not a very good feminist. I'm part of this weird nineties generation of girls that has been brought up to think we can be whatever we can be without having to fight for it. Because when I was a little girl, Barbie could be a doctor, a teacher, an airline stewardess, and an astronaut. (Never mind that she was subliminally telling me that math was hard.) Because I was born post-Tereshkova, post-Sally Ride, post-Thatcher, pre-Palin. Because Lisa Simpson told me that the glass ceiling wasn't just invisible, it was imaginary. Because I was promised a post-gender world as a child, one where women wore shoulder pads to make themselves masculine and imposing, where they ran business meetings and answered clunky cell phones phones and wore leg warmers when they exercised and had feathered hair. (This is what I remember of my formative years in the 90s. I might have them mixed up with the 80s.) So I'm not a very good feminist. But I still know it when I see it.

So let's talk about the Oscars. First of all, I feel betrayed by Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SMARTER THAN THIS. You went to Harvard! You understand math that just looks like squiggles and lines to me! You are "one of the brightest stars of the generation" and I don't know who I'm quoting on that but I'm sure I'm quoting someone. Indie darling, blockbuster queen, gracefully transitioning from child phenom into leading lady. So you've just won an Oscar! How does it feel?

Great? Good. What are you going to do next?

Make a speech? Well, sure, everyone does. A really long, rambly speech? Again, everyone does. You're going to thank everyone who has helped you, ever, in advancing your career to this point? Great, good for you, I love a gracious winner!

You're going to thank your boyfriend for giving you "the most important role" of your life?

WHAT.

WHAT.

WHAT.

You are going to thank the dude for knocking you up, on national television, and belittle EVERYTHING you have done in your entire life in the process?

WHAT.

WHAT.

WHAT.

This is not me "hating on breeders." I have no problem with people who have kids. In fact, I think kids are great. I want kids someday! However I don't think that anyone should be defined, or allow themselves to be defined, or define themselves, by their ability to spawn. "Oh, yeah, I cured cancer, developed an interplanetary rocket that runs on cow pies, and published a novel. But I guess that's all peanuts now that I'm pregnant." Or this:

I don't think I would have cared if she'd said "my next great role" or something of the ilk. It was the phrase "most important role" that bothered me. We tend to criminalize women who put their careers ahead of their kids and put women who put their kids ahead of their careers up on pedestals. There doesn't seem to be any sort of happy medium between the two, at least not in society's general view of things, but I know from my own personal experience that there must be, because my mother managed to raise three intelligent, responsible members of society from birth to adulthood while still becoming a successful and influential member of her field. And while I'm sure she's proud of my siblings and I, and proud of herself for raising us, I don't think that the fact of us totally belittles every single thing that she's ever done professionally.

But moving on, because this isn't actually meant to be a blog post entirely about Natalie Portman and whether she did or did not totally invalidate every professional move she has ever made in one little Oscar speech. Let's talk about hosting! So this year's Oscar hosts were Anne Hathaway and James Franco... except, it was pretty clear that James Franco was blazed out of his mind and Anne Hathaway was carrying the show. In fact, it was almost less co-hosts and more Anne Hathaway, Oscar Host, and James Franco, her chaperone, requisite male body.

Just from the opening skit, it was really clear that this was Anne's show and everyone else just sort of lived there. She sings! She dances! She bitches at Hugh Jackman! She puts on a series of successively shinier dresses! Her enthusiasm introducing people is adorable! And James Franco just kind of squints at the lights like he's not sure what he's doing here because he's stoned out of his fucking mind. The only thing I got out of it was that the academy didn't trust a woman alone on stage to be able to keep the show moving, so they needed a guy to stand there and look manly.

My non-American friend who had never seen an Oscar telecast before pointed out, "But didn't Ellen [DeGeneres] host?"

The answer to this being that Ellen DeGeneres hosted the Oscars wearing a tux and sensible shoes, not a sparkly gown and heels. She's funny and manic and kind of butch. It's unthinkable to put Ellen DeGeneres in a sparkly dress and make her co-host with a man in a tux, but at the same time, if Anne Hathaway had put on a tux and sensible shoes and tried to host the Oscars by herself, it would have just been strange. She has to be in a sparkly dress, but I'm not sure that James Franco needs to stand beside her looking (very, very) confused and (very, very) pretty for the exercise to work. You'd think that a smart and self-assured woman could do the same job at a black tie event, regardless of whether she's wearing sequins or pants.

But what I get out of it is a statement that you cannot be both conventionally feminine and somehow emcee to a room of Hollywood's best and brightest, by yourself. The woman in the dress, with her coiffed hair and pretty necklaces, is weak. And this sort of goes back to the suit jackets with the shoulder pads from earlier - if you want power, you have to masculinize yourself.

Last point of the rant, Kathryn Bigelow. Kathryn Bigelow, you are a classy lady. Last year, all my friends and I cheered for you when you won Best Director. You were an inspiration. You had one of the prettiest dresses of the night. Everything I said earlier, about having to butch yourself up to gain influence? You defied it. You are a classy lady. So what was that fashion disaster you were wearing tonight ?

I know that my (and the rest of the country's, apparently) favorite pastime of snarking red carpet fashion is, on some level, fundamentally wrong, but you're so high profile, and it's because you're smart, and talented, and not because you're a pretty face who can look convincingly miserable. But if you're presenting an award to a bunch of middle-aged frat boys, in a category you took an upset win in last year, you'd better look amazing. And you didn't. And I was disappointed.

Okay, rant over.

In other news:

AP credits are stupid and they're fucking up my graduation status and eating my elective slots and I'm going to have to drop like 90% of them for required courses for my double major. Seriously if I'd just taken AP Euro I'd be better off, it's the only one that I actually used towards getting out of anything useful. The rest are going to have to get flushed so I can take MORE ANTHROPOLOGY YAY. (I love Anthropology more than anything AP or IB courses I took in high school, the end.)

Also, I am going to get some of those cartoon valentines I hear other people used to give out in elementary school (I never did because I went to Jewish school) and put them in mailboxes on the DDW floor. If you don't get one it's probably because we're not really friends. Or because I forgot.

Also it was 15 degrees outside this morning WRYYYYYYYYYYY. :C

Sanitized Anarchy, and what I've been doing this week.

So I went to go see American Idiot, which to be honest was sort of disappointing. For all the avant-garde anger of the concept album, the musical was alarmingly mainstream. While from a technical and performance aspect it was pretty phenomenal, I couldn't help but feel let down. First of all, any play that you have to read the wikipedia summary just to understand... is not actually a good play. Second of all, everyone got off scott-free at the end. It would be really, really nice if, for once when writing a musical about sex, drugs, and rock and roll, not everyone got a happy ending. Like, why did I just watch Jesus of Suburbia run away to the big city to do hard drugs if at the end he goes back to Bumfuck, New Jersy to hang out at the 7-11 with absolutely no consequences? Everyone got a happy ending, more or less, except for the ambiguously-skinhead ambiguously-gay ambiguously-real drug dealing St. Jimmy.

Seriously I would have watched a whole play about the drug-dealing leader of an Anarchist Cult of Personality, but I digress. The point is, American Idiot is no Spring Awakening, despite its shared leading man (Oh John Gallagher Jr, I sure do love you). In fact, it's not even Rent or even Hair, if we want to go really far back. It's Anarchy Lite, so you can pretend you're being edgy but it's still fun for the whole family. Your ten year old already knows the word "fuck" and has probably puzzled out how sex works, so what's the harm, right? Sure there's some drugs, some beer, some masturbation, but really... there's nothing in here that won't offend your grandmother.

(Well, maybe... Is your grandmother as liberal as mine, who loved Avenue Q? Because Avenue Q might just be edgier than this.)

Anyway, so what's Leez been up to this week? (I promise, this discussion's going to loop back around to my complaints about American Idiot in a moment.) Leez has been hanging out at the Young Playwrights Inc. conference where she's making new friends, doing a lot of revising, and attending master classes. Well, she was, because it's over now and the whirlwind has stopped and she's taking some time to sit down and write a proper blog post about it. (Actually, gonna cut the whole third person thing.)

Anyways, so one of the great master classes was with a playwright named Thomas Bradshaw, whose work tends to be a bit... controversial. One of the things we talked about was how Americans tend to be very puritanical towards sex, drugs, etc in our theater, as opposed to Europeans who are a bit more loosey-goosey free love. The flip side of this is, of course, that Americans are morbidly fascinated by the stuff that repulses them. So we want to see violence, but not too much violence. We want to see sex, but we want people to get under the covers or turn off the lights first.

Which is exactly what American Idiot does. The sex is covered up, the drug use is stylized, guns shoot flags that say bang. For a play that is ostensibly about the Bush years, it doesn't really say anything about the Bush years at all. There's grandiose language, but it doesn't deliver. St. Jimmy preaches anarchy, but there's no anarchy to be seen. Everyone goes back to Bumfuck and gets off scott free. They all grow up.

Everybody lives.

Everybody lives, and I didn't give a fuck, because not one of these characters was worth giving a fuck about. I was intrigued by St. Jimmy, but I have to compare him to Graverobber from Repo: The Genetic Opera, because I think they're part of an emerging class of character... the Squandered Badass. He's that dude who despite not doing a whole lot of anything is just sort of the most memorable part of the show. A character who, due to being more interesting or better played than anyone else, just seems wasted because of their small role. I don't really care about Jesus of Suburbia. He's a whiny angsty white boy. But St. Jimmy - who is he? What's his story? I know one interpretation is that he's just a figment of JoS's imagination, or else an alter ego he invents, but I kind of like the Anarchist Cult story better. (Although if he is JoS then it explains why he's so ineffectual.)

Basically, I watched this musical and just started thinking of ways that, given the album, I could have done it better. Maybe I'm just getting too jaded and cerebral for Broadway musicals. Or maybe I missed the point. I didn't hate the show - from a tech and performance standpoint it was excellent - I was just underwhelmed by the story. It didn't live up to its themes and my expectations.

Maybe when you write a musical about the Bush years, it's helpful to actually mention any significant events from the Bush years, yeah?

I'll write more about YPI at a later date, hope you enjoyed my rant.

Useless excuse for a grad student

Dear EoE TA,

You are the most useless TA ever. Assignments were never graded on time, it was impossible to find out if you'd even received our homework, and you came to class approximately four times over the course of an entire semester.

We took the final exam in the class three weeks ago. It was composed entirely of multiple choice answers, meaning there's nothing subjective about the grading and you should be able to whiz through them. There were approximately 70 students in the class, which still doesn't justify not grading the exams sometime in the last three weeks. There is absolutely no reason why the grades should not be up by now.

No love,

Me.

STOP CARRYING YOUR CIGARETTES AT HAND LEVEL (And other things)

On multiple occasions I have been walking down a crowded street, ostensibly paying attention to where I'm going and trying to stay out of people's ways, only to feel a sudden stab/burn/shock to one of my hands. Invariably, when I look behind me, I discover that some dumbass has stabbed me in the hand with a cigarette that they are nonchalantly carrying at hand level, on a crowded sidewalk.

I am sure I am not the only person who has managed to get stabbed with other people's cigarettes.

I mean really, what the hell.

In happier news, I made the school paper.

But really people please be more careful with your cigarettes.

No Love Letters: back with a vengeance

Dear disdainful hipster girl,

Every week you sit in front of me in New American Gothic, and every week you look like you hate the world. Is there someone perpetually pissing in your cornflakes? And why do you turn around and give me dirty looks every time I so much as breathe? I have gone out of my way to not even /touch/ the back of your chair as of late, and you still keep looking at me like you wish I would go and die, so I don't know what it is that has you so incredibly pissed off 24/7.

But you know what? Keep right on glaring at me, because I'd rather feel like everyone hates me than go around hating everyone.

No love, me.

The worst feeling in the world

Is getting a load of critique and then being told, "But you're done for the semester! Don't edit this right now! Don't even think about it! In fact, I expressly forbid you from editing!"

Asdfghjkl;;asd

I am literally sitting on my hands right now trying to not do rewrites. Sunday I'll start on my paper for cinema studies and hopefully forget all about my pressing need to TYPE TYPE TYPE DELETE DELETE DELETE WRITE LIKE A MANIAC.

But seriously giving me critique and telling me not to do anything with it is sadistic, man.

Sun I am disappoint.

I was really, really excited for the new Golden Sun game. Like, I don't buy video games often, but I would have bought this one. But then I went on the website and read the character summaries and... ugh! They're so derivative of the last generation of games! I know that generation Xerox is a trope, but we've even got villains pushing the protagonists to accomplish their mission and a mysterious masked man. I don't know much about the plot yet, but for a game set 30 years after the original pair and released some ten years later, this is upsetting.

The original Golden Sun games were hailed for their originality in story, setting, and gameplay. While the battles are nothing new if you've ever played any incarnation of Final Fantasy ever, they were pretty fun, and there were a lot of good/nerve wracking puzzles to figure out. The new game looks like it's sticking too closely to the original, and it worries me.

At any rate, the game doesn't hit North America until November 29th, so I'll wait for some American reviews before I decide whether or not to get it. At any rate, playing it would be good for nostalgia, and I am a bit eager to return to that exciting, imaginative world the first games took me to. :)

Hey Sarah Palin,

Leave my first lady alone.

You, Sarah, are a washed up hack hanging onto her fifteen minutes of fame, who can't even raise her own children to understand that calling people faggots on facebook isn't socially acceptable behavior, let alone possibly be qualified to run a country. Your own relatives on the record saying you dropped out of U. Hawaii because there were "too many Asians" and you're currently in a fight with Alaskan Fish and Wildlife over getting too close to a family of bears, on national television. Your political track record consists of making embarrassing social gaffs, pandering to your competition ("Can I call you Joe?"), exposing yourself as an inarticulate ass on national television, and quitting halfway through your term as governor of the least densely populated state in the union. You advocate fear and misinformation.

The list goes on.

Michelle Obama, on the other hand, is classy, intelligent, well-spoken, educated about her causes, and stylish as all get out. You quoted her out of context and frankly your remarks about her hating white people only make you sound like an ignoramus. You didn't even actually say half the one-liners people attribute to you - Tina Fey did. You aren't even half as witty as she is.

In short, Michelle Obama is a better mother, politician, and all around human being than you could ever hope to be.

So shut up.

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

-Abraham Lincoln

Numbering I do not understand

Why do

Korabl-Sputnik 5

Корабль-Спутник 3

Ship-Satellite 3

Vostok-3KA No.2

And

Sputnik 10

All refer to the same space mission?

SOVIET RUSSIAN RKA, I LOVE YOU BUT YOU CONFUSE ME SO MUCH WITH YOUR REDUNDANT/CONTRADICTORY NUMBERING SCHEMES.

Things that shouldn't bother me but do:

Please learn the difference between a monkey and an orangutan.

Orangutans, Gorillas, Chimpanzees, and Bonabos are not monkeys - they're great apes. Neither are Gibbons or Siamangs - they're lesser apes. This refers to their relative body sizes, not to imply that great apes are better than lesser apes. Furthermore, Lemurs, lorises, and galagos aren't monkeys, either. They're strepsirhines. Furthermore, monkeys aren't apes! They're monkeys! I just went through this entire damn album titled "cute monkey faces," and of twelve pictures, only four are actually monkeys! The others are a lemur, two gorillas, a chimpanzee, and four orangutans!

All of them are primates, but primate is not synonymous with monkey.