Friday, August 13, 2010

The latest batch of No Love letters

Dear harried soccer mom in spinning class,

Please tell your children that staring into the classroom window and signalling frantically to you that they want to leave every five minutes will not make the class end sooner, and in fact is just uncomfortable and distracting for everyone.

No love,
Me

Dear hopelessly out of touch spinning instructor,

Having two music mixes that you alternate every other week does not count as variety, it counts as "I have been coming to this damn class of yours every week for three months get some better tunes." Your "fake-out" endings of songs are not "cute" or "funny" and they only make me want to stop pedaling and get off my bike and strangle you every time you chuckle and say, "Bet you thought we were done!"

Also please do not refer to events that nebulously happened in class "last week." We were all there. It did not happen. We were there the week before last week. It did not happen then, either. You are an exercise instructor, not a stand-up comic.

No love,
Me

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