Lol poetry

I dwell in the esoteric.

They'll never find me here.

Three weeks ago

I held up my hands to my reflection

Showed it that

my knuckles were raw and cracked

"How can that be?" I asked it.

"I use lotion."

This morning,

my reflection shouted back:

IT'S BECAUSE YOU CHEW THEM.

And I could not tell if it was I

Or some character in a story

Who was relieved by this revelation

of oral fixation

and is it self-recognition

Or divine inspiration?

This compulsion to chew:

When people borrow my pens

I pre-empt their disgust

"I'm sorry, I chew,"

and I feel disgusted for them

Even as they take my ruined implements

and say "thank you"

and

"It's okay"

and

take notes on

the late cretaceous.

I feel connected to Paranthropus

That ancient relative

whose skull looks more

gorilla

than human

Thet call him

"hyper-robust"

and I memorize teeth sizes

jaw widths

sagittal crests

And I feel connected

because he got that way

through thousands of years

of being compelled

to chew.

STOP CARRYING YOUR CIGARETTES AT HAND LEVEL (And other things)

On multiple occasions I have been walking down a crowded street, ostensibly paying attention to where I'm going and trying to stay out of people's ways, only to feel a sudden stab/burn/shock to one of my hands. Invariably, when I look behind me, I discover that some dumbass has stabbed me in the hand with a cigarette that they are nonchalantly carrying at hand level, on a crowded sidewalk.

I am sure I am not the only person who has managed to get stabbed with other people's cigarettes.

I mean really, what the hell.

In happier news, I made the school paper.

But really people please be more careful with your cigarettes.

No Love Letters: back with a vengeance

Dear disdainful hipster girl,

Every week you sit in front of me in New American Gothic, and every week you look like you hate the world. Is there someone perpetually pissing in your cornflakes? And why do you turn around and give me dirty looks every time I so much as breathe? I have gone out of my way to not even /touch/ the back of your chair as of late, and you still keep looking at me like you wish I would go and die, so I don't know what it is that has you so incredibly pissed off 24/7.

But you know what? Keep right on glaring at me, because I'd rather feel like everyone hates me than go around hating everyone.

No love, me.

So I don't know why I've got 14 hits from Russia in the last day,

But I am kind of curious about it.

(Also today, hits from the US, Germany, and Slovenia! What the heck?)

ALSO HAS ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THAT SOMETIMES THE HOT WATER IN PALLADIUM IS BROWN? D:

You are fair game if:

• You know I blog.
• You read my blog.
• You are related to me.
• I have known you for an exceedingly long amount of time.
• You are famous.
• There is a noteworthy event involving you.
• You are involved in amusing anecdotes I feel comfortable letting my mother read.

I will not blog about you if:

• You don't know I blog.
• You don't read my blog.
• I just met you and you are not famous.
• You don't read my blog yet but might in the future.
• I think you would be kind of weirded out if you knew I was blogging about you.
• You asked me not to.
• Anecdotes involving you are not mother-appropriate. (Like, if we got drunk together... I wouldn't blog about it.)

So, basically, by reading this post you are FAIR GAME.

Also Jesus Christ on a cracker, the roomies and I watched this tonight and it is amazing. I want to make movies like this.

Zoo day!

Today I went to the Bronx Zoo. It's kind of the wrong season for it, because it's cold and most of the animals are inside for the winter and it gets dark at like 4:30, but it was pretty fun. A lot of their exhibits (birds, primates, amphibians, reptiles....) are indoors, so we were still able to see them, and for $5 it's not really something to sniff at! Also they had tiger cubs and they were adorable. :) By the time we made it to the lions they'd already gone in for the day, though, and it seems like the zebras, wild dogs, and baboons were apparently never out at all today.

And it was cold and kind of an old, sad zoo with no sense to the layout and exhibits that were kind of prehistoric but it was fun and I met people and had a good time walking around talking to people.

The worst feeling in the world

Is getting a load of critique and then being told, "But you're done for the semester! Don't edit this right now! Don't even think about it! In fact, I expressly forbid you from editing!"

Asdfghjkl;;asd

I am literally sitting on my hands right now trying to not do rewrites. Sunday I'll start on my paper for cinema studies and hopefully forget all about my pressing need to TYPE TYPE TYPE DELETE DELETE DELETE WRITE LIKE A MANIAC.

But seriously giving me critique and telling me not to do anything with it is sadistic, man.