La la la

Ever thought about changing the song, decided not to because you're too lazy, and been incredibly happy that you didn't?

Back to the fandom? Naaaah...

Today I realized I would only go back to Star Wars fanfic if I could spend my time writing Goran Beviin/Medrit Vasur fanfic. And then I realized Theforce.net doesn't allow slash, even if it's canon. And then I got sad for a bit but then decided I don't really want to go back to Star Wars fanfic because no one would remember me on the comms and I'd probably start an epic, promptly forget about it, and never finish. But seriously I find Goran and Medrit so much more compelling than any other couple in Star Wars at the moment because seriously, Anakin Solo is dead, Tahiri's a nutcase, and the Jaina/Jag/Kyp/Zekk quadrangle has finally died and my side lost. (I hope they are still calling Jag Captain Cardboard on the comms.)

So in short:

Back to the fandom? Nah.

For posterity: PANIC! At the Zombie Walk!

Me

oh

ON THE WAY HOME FROM DINNER

my friend Nate and I passed a zombie walk

but not just any zombie walk

so first we see the zombies crossing the street

then we see a bunch of them trying to get into the Filene's Basement.

then we hear someone go, "Zombie stuck on the escalator!"

10:29pmAudra

YESSSSS

10:29pmMe

then we hear, "Oh, did someone get hurt?"

then we see the security guard from the store ushering two zombies out and being like, "You all stay out here."

THEN WE HEAR SIRENS

THEN WE SEE AN AMBULANCE

THEN WE SEE A PARAMEDIC RUNNING DOWN THE STREET, "Which way is the Filene's Basement?" "That way, with the zombies!"

THEN LOTS MORE EMERGENCY VEHICLES SHOW UP

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED BUT IT SEEMED AWESOME.

This is the weirdest part of the english language-

Asking to "borrow" disposable items. Examples:

"Can I borrow some plastic cups?" "...How about I give you some, and you keep them?"

"Can I borrow a trash bag?" "Er, sure, but don't bring it back."

"Can I borrow some sugar?" "Just take it."

"Can I borrow a tampon?" "HERE. IT'S YOURS. IT'S A GIFT."

Cycling to the tune of Miley Cyrus.

Earlier today I wound up sharing the spinning room in the gym with the men's swim team. As is usual when someone starts pumping loud pop music over the speakers, I turned up my headphones. But I couldn't help but notice that they were definitely biking to the sounds of Miley Cyrus. Imagine, if you will, about 10 buff jock-y guys, all bouncing up and down on stationary bikes, while Disney-manufactured teenybop blares.

ALSO, a guide to buying books at NYU:

First, check the campus bookstore. If they don't have it (and unless your professor put in a book list, and he didn't, so they won't), check Barnes and Nobel. If they don't have it, and they probably won't because your professor wants a really specific edition, try Shakespeare and Co. Shakespeare and Co. will probably have it, but if they don't...

Sorry, it probably doesn't exist. Dude, you are shit outta luck.

Playwriting Lesson number 207:

If you are going to use symbolism, don't half-ass it. If you invoke Shakespeare, take it all the way. Weaving in a reference and not following through on it confuses your audience and weakens your story.

(Number selected arbitrarily.)

This year, I will remember to give.

I haven't heard the shofar blow in two years.

You mean these don't come standard?

Apparently "pre-Yom Kippur" dinner as defined by NYU Hillel is "pizza and bagels." Now, being a true Jewish young adult, I have absolutely no problem with pizza and bagels constituting a meal: however, if it is my last meal until 7:45 the following night, I would really like something more substantial than that. Like chicken. Or briscuit. Anything that, if I eat it, I won't be starving again four hours later. This menu just seems like they're making life unnecessarily hard on themselves. At any rate, I decided to go to the hillel thing instead of an Undergraduate Anthropology Students Association thing because I wanted a real meal, while as it turns out they will be serving pizza at both and so there really isn't a difference. :|

Pondering if I shouldn't just make chicken for myself here...

Leez.

All there is to know about the crying game.

I have to wonder how much the experience of watching Psycho differs when you don't know the twist. Of course in our modern vernacular we all know that Norman Bates is his mother is the killer, but imagine when the movie first came out! No one knew the twist! Wouldn't it be so much scarier then, to see it in theaters and really think there was a murderous old lady?

And also to think that Norman Bates is just a much more sympathetic character; he really does initially come off as a likable, if slightly awkward and macabre, person.

Anyway this is Psycho, and this is your brain on way too much caffeine, sitting in the first class of New American Gothic Cinema.

Selections from: Leez and Caleb snark the VMAs.

We were kind of hoping for wild and crazy to happen, but everyone was alarmingly well-behaved tonight. So here are our best lines, anyway.

Re: Katy Perry on the white carpet.

C: So, katy perry looks and sounds retarded.

Me: She has cotton candy in her hair. Also she's kind of a ditz. Also high on cold meds. This is going to be hilarious.

C: Yeah. XD Is she supposed to be performing.

Me: Idk. Snooki looks like she spent an hour in the toaster.

Re: Jenks

C: Lmao, jenks guy: 'look at me. I hang out with autistic kids.' 'and a rapper!' 'who went to jail!'

Re: Nicki Minaj is from outer space, and other weirdness in that dance number.

C: Um. Nicki minaj is ridiculous. 'haters, you can kill yourselves.' that dace.

Me: I think will.i.am. just did a sig heil.

C: Nicki minaj is a malfunctioning robot and will.i.am is a nazi. He even has the pink band where the swastika would be.

Me: Who thought this was a good idea?

Re: Bad Romance takes Best Female Video

C: That's right! Gaga wins!

Me: Katy Perry is giving her the stink eye.

C: Yeah. She wanted to go home with some trophies.

C: LMAO. 'FOR REMAKING THIS VIDEO OVER AND OVER AGAIN'

Re: The song "Kings and Queens"

Me: This song is about owls.

Re: Justin Bieber's performance.

Me: If this is not the gayest jbiebs performance ever idk wat.

C: Yeah. And all his dancers are black.

Me: Actually this goes beyond gay. This is just plain queer.

C: He actually has babies.

Me: That was just plain strange.

Re: Weird commercials

Me: Did you know that plan b one step is only one pill and works better the sooner you take it?

C: And it is not The Abortion Pill.

Re: Usher

Me: These jackets remind me of the fifth element.

C: Yeah! Like leeloo's outfit, but more.

Re: Bad Katy Perry/Nicki Minaj patter.

C: Katy is so high.

Me: That wasn't good patter. That was just Katy and Nikki being awkward.

C: What planet is nicky minaj from?

Me: Idk, but not this one.

C: She put on a british accent... and then made a weird face.

Me: Nikki minaj isn't British. I think she's a Martian.

Re: Florence and the Machine

Me: Florence looks less like a man without the kabuki makeup.

Me: It's like she's got polyphonic spree as her backup dancers.

Re: T-Swift

C: Ohmygod shes about to get him back

Me: Revengeeeeeeeee

C: I guess not?

Me: ...I think she's forgiving him.

C: Fuck. So much less interesting.

Re: Gucci ad.

Me: That was rumer willis.

Me: Rumer Willis and Chris Evans having sin city/sky captain and the world of tomorrow pastiche.

C: ....what.

Re: Airplanes

Me: Hayley Williams is like, "I'm a white girl. I can't dance like this.

Re: Linkin Park

Me: Everyone, just come to peace with that you liked linkin park in middle school and chill out. [In response to an immense amount of Linkin Park hate at the party I was at.]

Re: Kanye

C: Let's have a toast for the douchebags.

Some Epiphanies

1. If you sit in a science class thinking that you've discovered a paradox no one has noticed before you and by asking a question you are going to make scientific history, you are doing it wrong and are probably just confused.

2. Every time someone else does something weird and immature and age inappropriate, take a deep breath, clean up their mess, and assure yourself that it's just proof that you are, in fact, functional as a reasonably independent reasonably adult human being.

3. Don't act so surprised when people think you can throw a decent dinner party. Don't apologize for the food being bad when they keep stressing how good it is, otherwise you'll convince them that it actually is bad.

4. Keeping kosher is the easiest way to not worry about eating your roommate's zealously guarded chicken tortelini.

5. Going to the gym frees you from Jewish guilt for the next four days.

6. So does going to Friday night services.

7. So even though Bronfman Center is not your favorite place in the universe, you should march your ass down there tonight.

:)

My anthropology professor has the exact same accent as the Geico Gecko. (Although he's English, not Australian.) I think I am going to go to class just to hear him talk.

Also my only class tomorrow is Evolution of the Earth. It is at 6:45 PM. OH MY GOD IT'S PRACTICALLY A DAY OFF WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MYSELF?

The universe as explained on the first day of class:

"Imagine every galaxy is a raisin and the universe is a loaf of raisin bread rising in the oven. The space between the raisins is expanding. Every raisin sees the other raisins getting further away. But none of the raisins can see the crust, and certainly none of the raisins can see the oven."

EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW.

They have space ships but no sonograms?

Ten things about the Star Wars New Trilogy that just bug me:

1. The horrible acting.

2. The horrible script.

3. How Padme seems to have gotten to eight and a half months with twins with absolutely NO pre-natal care. Lady, I know you're doing this whole "secret pregnancy" thing, but you live in a high tech society. See post title. You and everyone you know is referring to your fetuses in the singular right until the actual moment you give birth, and it is absolutely ridiculous.

4. Why no one ever listens to Yoda's advice.

5. How we are expected to have never seen the original trilogy and be so damn surprised when Palpatine is the emperor or Padme gives birth to twins, when the surprise element of the original trilogy relies on having never seen the new trilogy.

• Darth Vader is Luke's father.
• Leia is Luke's twin sister.
• This isn't spoilers, you should just know this already.

6. No Harrison Ford.

7. No Mark Hamill.

8. No Carrie Fisher.

9. No one in these movies is even trying to act besides Ewan McGregor. Also possibly Liam Neeson. Natalie Portman, I thought you were nominated for an Oscar once upon a time! Like really, Obi-Wan Kenobi is the only character in this movie who emotes in a believable way.

10. Jar Jar Binks. Full stop.

(I love Star Wars. But I'm watching a marathon of the new trilogy and just kind of picking it apart.)

Lately,

My life has consisted of walking all over town on a whim and then wondering why I'm exhausted. Like last night:

Roomie: "Let's go to Whole Foods and then cook dinner!"

Me: "Okay!"

D: "Now let's walk up to 23rd street and visit our friend S who just got in from China literally HALF AN HOUR AGO."

Me: "It's ten PM!"

D: "Let's go!"

Me: "Okay!"

S: "I just got in but my furniture is arranged in such a way that I can't open my closet. I need to unpack."

Me: "Let's move the furniture!"

S: "I feel like I should tell you that I'm drunk."

Me: "LET'S MOVE THE FURNITURE!"

S: "Okay!"

D: "Hey a bunch of our friends are up on the fifth floor, OH HEY THE FURNITURE LOOKS GOOD IN HERE."

Me and S: "We know, right?"

H: "Do I know you?"

Me: "I don't know but you look familiar."

H: "Were you at that thing, with the thing?"

Me: "No?"

H: "Well I'm sure I know you."

Me: "We'll figure it out."

Friends on the fifth floor: "We're bored, let's walk back to P and E's room! Nine blocks away!"

Everyone: "Okay!"

Me: "I live in that building, so yes!"

Me, P, and H: "Let's power walk ahead of the group!"

Everyone else: *is really far behind*

Me, P, and Other-H: "Oh, we should probably wait for them."

Guy at the front desk: "I dislike you young whippersnappers. Also the ID cards aren't all working yet so I am going to make you stand in line and swipe in one at a time."

D: "I don't know how to get to the airport on the subway!"

Me and P: "LET'S TEACH YOU!"

D: "I still don't understand but I will do it!"

Me: "Oh god I am tired. Like, I am so tired I am incoherent."

P: "Yeah I stopped having any idea what you were talking about ten minutes ago."

Everyone: "LEEZ, GO TO BED."

Me: "Okay I am going to bed."

Roomie: "I am on skype with my boyfriend!"

Me: "I am taking a shower be off when I get out I am going to sleep."

And that is last night. Some of the bits towards the end might be fictionalized in the name of dramatic license, but not because I don't remember them. Just because I was really tired at that point at the actually conversation was more like, "Why are you still here, Aliza?"

Testing, testing!

I've got a neat little widget that lets me type blogger updates from iGoogle. Does this work, eh?

Customer disservice

The phone does not work. I spent an hour on a friend's phone with a customer service agent, who changed my plan to the $20 unlimited, which is the only one that works with the 2G, which no longer officially exists, and added a surcharge of $20 for changing plans, and assured me it would work in "five to ten minutes." It is now two hours later. It does not work. I am going to go to the AT&T store tomorrow and demand they fix it, at which point they will tell me I "can only activate it from my home computer." I will tell them I have tried this. They will tell me I am fucked and should have a nice day.

I will pull out my laptop and show them the error message. They will laugh in my face and tell me to go home and cry.

Also when I switch to Ellen's phone, the unlimited data plan will stop working and they will charge me $20 to go back to the $25 limited plan. So basically I am being raped by the cell phone company.

Also, the reason I was given for not being able to use the 2 gig plan with the older phone? "The 2Gs need a smaller data plan."

YES. This is EXACTLY why you just changed me twenty dollars to switch me to and UNLIMITED plan that still DOES NOT WORK.

:|

Really, AT&T? REALLY?

(In her defense, the customer service agent was very understanding and really did try to help, it just didn't do anything.)

Part of this post is excerpted from an email I sent my mother. Her response? "I laughed. So did Dad." With parents like these, it is really a wonder I'm not a serial killer.

So my brother is blogging now?

Sibling obligation means I have to link him: http://jumbosized.blogspot.com/ However, dear Max, you have done something with your settings so that I can't find the panel to follow you. :| Not so cool, ja?

Yours truly is back at school. I spent last straight days moving in/helping other people move in, and then have sort of done absolutely nothing for the last two. I'll probably be helping people move again later in the week, but for now I think I will actually try to get some work done at some point, maybe.

I hope so. I mean, doing work would be really cool. I still need to finish typing my Tigerlilly stuff (BAD ALIZA) and need to type up my ideas for full-lengths as well. The roomies all seem really chill. :) One of my suitemates is a major major theater buff (also an acting major) and I think I'll probably be seeing more shows this year than last because she knows how to do student rush and such and is going to teach me all the tricks. :D

I've talked to some friends and ideas for one act play festivals on campus have been tossed around. However it was also sort of late at night when these discussions were had so I don't know if things will come to pass or not. It would be kind of awesome.

My half of the dorm room:

We also have a common room and a kitchen, but they're not totally decorated yet.

Also my phone screwed the pooch. I have to announce that here because my friend D. says he absolutely loves that phrase and he never hears anyone use it. So let's say it loud and clear:

Aliza's iPhone screwed the pooch.

Like, seriously, that thing will not even turn on. Mom overnighted me her old one, and fedex says they delivered it, but the RA desk says they won't have all the package slips sorted until five or so. So I'll go check again later; they are holding my phone hostage, man!

Yours from the big apple,

Leez.